¡Escapada de ensueño en la Costa Este: Hotel Holiday Inn Express Exmore!
¡Ay, Dios mío, prepárense para un viaje! Porque estoy A PUNTO de soltarles la sopa sobre… ¡¡¡el Hotel Holiday Inn Express Exmore en la Costa Este!!! Y ojo, que esto no es una reseña de esas aburridas, ¿eh? Esto es… ¡la verdad sin filtro! Agárrense, que empezamos.
Accesibilidad: ¿Un hotel para todos? (Y mis batallas con la silla de ruedas)
Vale, empecemos por lo importante. ¿Es este hotel accesible? Pues… más o menos. Wheelchair accessible: Sí, hay rampas, ascensores, y todo el rollo. PERO… (siempre hay un "pero", ¿verdad?). Me encontré con alguna que otra puerta un poco estrecha, y en el baño… rezaba para no atascarme. La experiencia me recordó a la vez que intenté meter mi silla de ruedas en una cabina de teléfono en Londres. ¡Casi me quedo atascado! Pero bueno, en general, Facilities for disabled guests: está decentemente bien.
¡Internet! ¡Necesito Internet!
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! ¡Aleluya! La conexión era más o menos estable. Ideal para hacer stalking a tus ex (no me juzguen, todos lo hacemos). Internet access – wireless ¡Perfecto para subir fotos a Instagram y presumir de vacaciones! Internet ¡Claro! Internet [LAN] Si eres old school, también tienen conexión por cable. ¡Para gustos, colores!
Limpieza y (¡¡¡Por FIN!!!) Seguridad: ¿Un refugio anti-pandemia o simple higiene?
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: A ver, con la que está cayendo, toda esa palabrería sobre limpieza y seguridad me hizo sentir… un poco paranoico. ¿Es que me voy a meter en una sala de operaciones o a un hotel? Entiendo que es para la tranquilidad… Pero, por favor, que no me hagan sentir como si estuviera en un laboratorio.
¡A Comer!: Entre el buffet y el sufrimiento del "a la carte"…
Breakfast [buffet]: ¡Oh, el buffet! Lo amo, lo odio… ¡Es una relación complicada! El del Holiday Inn Express era bastante normalito. Huevos revueltos, tostadas, cereales… Lo típico de un desayuno occidental. Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. Había también un poco de comida "internacional", pero no esperéis milagros. Breakfast takeaway service: Si te da la pereza ir, te lo llevas a la habitación. ¡Genial para los perezosos como yo!
A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Bottle of water, Coffee shop, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant: El rollo a la carte… Un poco decepcionante. La carta no era muy variada y tardaban una eternidad en traerte la comida. Una vez, pedí una hamburguesa y tardó casi una hora en llegar. ¡Estaba a punto de comerme las sábanas! El snack bar era más práctico.
Relajación y Diversión: Entre el Gimnasio y el Spa (y mis músculos doloridos)
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: ¡Ojo! Aquí tenemos la carnaza. El gimnasio… ¡Normalito! Un par de máquinas, pesas… Perfecto para quemar las calorías del buffet, o al menos intentarlo. Massage: No me dieron ganas de probar un masaje. Después de la hamburguesa, necesitaba un psicólogo. Swimming pool [outdoor]: La piscina exterior es un puntazo, con unas vistas que quitan el hipo. Me pasé la mitad de la estancia nadando y la otra mitad tomando el sol. ¡Pura vida! Sauna, Steamroom: No los probe, soy un poco claustrofobico…
Servicios y Comodidades: ¿Nos tratan como reyes?
- Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Aquí hay de todo. Concierge (muy majo), Elevator, Daily housekeeping (¡gracias, chicas, por mantener la habitación impoluta!), Luggage storage (¡imprescindible!), Contactless check-in/out (¡ideal para los que odiamos hablar con gente!). La verdad, hay un montón de servicios, desde un cajero automático hasta una tienda de souvenirs.
La Habitación: Mi Santuario (o casi)
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: En general, la habitación era cómoda. Una cama enorme, tele con muchos canales, y un baño decente. Air conditioning: ¡Imprescindible! Blackout curtains: Perfecto para dormir como un lirón. Coffee/tea maker: ¡Para los amantes del café mañanero! Slippers (¡adoro las zapatillas de hotel!) El baño era funcional, pero… ¿por qué siempre falta un enchufe cerca del espejo para secarte el pelo cómodamente? ¡Misterios de la vida!
Para los niños: ¿Un paraíso infantil? (o no tanto)
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Si viajas con niños, parece que es un buen lugar. Hay servicio de babysitting, y kids meal. No puedo dar mi opinión sobre ello, ¡pero ya me gustaría volver a ser niño!
Por último, ¡por si acaso!: ¡Seguridad ante TODO!
- Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailable, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: El hotel parece bastante seguro. Hay cámaras, seguridad 24 horas, extintores por todas partes. ¡Tranquilidad ante todo!
¡¡¡LA GRAN CONCLUSIÓN!!!
Vale, ¿recomiendo el Holiday Inn Express Exmore? Pues… sí, con reservas. Es un hotel correcto, con sus pros y sus contras. No es el paraíso, pero tampoco es un infierno. Es limpio, tiene buenos servicios, la piscina es genial. Las habitaciones son cómodas y en general es una buena opción.
¡¡¡OFERTA IRRESISTIBLE PARA USTEDES, MIS QUERIDOS LECTORES!!!
¡Escapada de Ensueño en la Costa Este: Holiday Inn Express Exmore + "Paquete Relax Total"!
¿Están listos para una experiencia inolvidable? ¡Les propongo el paquete "Relax Total"!
- Estancia de 3 noches en una habitación con vistas a la piscina (¡para que se imaginen que están en
¡Ay, Dios mío! Okay, I'm off to… Exmore, Virginia. Sounds glamorous, right? Holiday Inn Express & Suites Exmore-Eastern Shore, they call it. Right, let's see if I can cobble together some semblance of a "travel itinerary." More like a suggestion of a travel itinerary, because let's be honest, my plans rarely survive the first cup of coffee.
Días y Horas (Days and Times) - Or: The Flimsy Framework of My Existence:
Día 1: El Viaje y la Desilusión (Day 1: The Trip and the Letdown)
7:00 AM: Wake up before my alarm, naturally. That's the universe's way of reminding me that I'm not in charge. Coffee, strong coffee. Need to pack. Find the suitcase. Remember where I put the toothbrush. (This is already a test).
8:30 AM: Leave the house, frantically searching for the car keys. Find them buried under a pile of unpaid bills and a half-eaten bag of chips. Okay, crisis averted for now.
9:00 AM - 1:00 PM: The Great Interstate Trek. Radio is mostly static, interspersed with country music I pretend I don't understand. Stop at a questionable gas station for a "healthy" gas station-style breakfast. Surprise: it wasn't.
- Risa (Laughter): Get stuck behind a herd of slow-moving trucks. I swear, I spent an hour contemplating the existential nature of highway traffic. Managed to pass one. Felt like a race car driver.
1:00 PM: Arrive at Holiday Inn Express & Suites Exmore-Eastern Shore. The website photos… well, let's just say reality is rarely as flattering as the brochures. The lobby smells faintly of chlorine and… ambition? I can't be sure. Checking in. Hoping the bed isn't lumpy…
- Reacción Emocional (Emotional Reaction): The receptionist is super cheerful. Almost suspiciously so. Is she being paid to be this happy? I'm already exhausted.
1:30 PM - 2:30 PM: Unpack in the room – find a remote that doesn’t work, the carpet is…carpet, I’m not brave enough to see what’s under it. Try the shower, water pressure as the Niagara Falls.
2:30 PM – 4:00 PM: Explore the immediate surroundings – (that’s if I was up for it). Decide I’m not.
4:00 PM - 5.00 PM: Naptime. Glory. The best part of any trip, let's be honest.
5:30 - 6:30 PM: Shower. Pray to be clean.
6:30 PM: Dinner - This deserves its own section for the messiness, the humanity, and the sheer drama of it all.
La Cena: The Quest for Edibles
So, it's dinner time in Exmore. Option A: Subway – no. They are everywhere. Option B: A "local" diner? Sounds exciting, but there are so many to choose from. Let's face it, I can spend hours analyzing which one to choose.
- Mi elección, ¡debe ser correcta! (My Choice, Must Be Right!) I spend an embarrassing amount of time reading online reviews. The reviews themselves – they are like a mirror to humanity. "Greasy but good." "Service slow but friendly." "Coffee lukewarm." Perfect. I choose the one with the most mixed reviews, of course. I thrive on the unexpected…and the slightly disappointing. (It’s been a long drive, ok?).
- La Experiencia (The Experience): The diner… smells of fried food and… nostalgia? A waitress with a name tag that says "Darlene" serves me. Darlene has seen things. The menu is the size of a small bible. I order the "special." The special arrives. It's… large. I eat it. I'm pretty sure I consumed more calories than I will need for the next three days, but the sheer, American-ness of the experience is…fascinating. It’s an experience.
- La Reflexión (Reflection): I sit there, amongst the regulars, eavesdropping on their lives. I feel like I am inside a movie set of my own. I am oddly contented.
- El Veredicto (The Verdict): The food was… edible. The company, unearthly. I tip generously. Darlene gives me a knowing smile. I kind of love it.
7:30 PM: Back at the hotel. Collapse on the bed. Flip through channels. The options are… limited.
9:00 PM: Try to go to sleep. Get a burst of adrenaline and start to look at my phone.
10:00 PM: Finally, unconsciousness. Pray for dreams of beaches and no more highway traffic.
Día 2: Exploración y Desastre (Day 2: Exploration and Disaster – Maybe)
7:00 AM: Wake up… or rather, be woken up by the hotel's questionable heating system. The hotel is too hot. Make coffee – which is either instant or from a machine that tastes like sadness.
7:30 AM – 8:30 AM: Breakfast at the hotel. More questionable food. Smile and nod at everyone. Become a chameleon.
9:00 AM: Decide on a mini-adventure. Maybe. (Or maybe the couch will be the adventure).
10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: … Maybe explore the Eastern Shore? (Or maybe just look at it from the car window). Go to a landmark. Take a picture of a scenic vista, and then get distracted by a shiny rock.
- La Observación Quirky (Quirky Observation): The locals seems to be nice, but I swear I saw a squirrel wearing a tiny hat. Or was that just lack of sleep?
1:00 PM: Lunch at the hotel. (Too lazy to find something).
2:00 - 4:00 PM: Pool time and a sauna.
- Reacción Emocional (Emotional Reaction): The pool is cold…
4:00 - 6:00 PM: Rest.
6:00 PM: Dinner… Again?!
- La Cena Parte II (Dinner, Part II): Maybe I will try to find a restaurant, or maybe I will order in. Order pizza. Pizza makes everything better, doesn't it? Or perhaps I will go back to the diner. Maybe I will go to Exmore’s best-kept secret. (If there even is one).
7:30 PM: Watching TV. I start feeling the lack of action. I get bored.
9:00 PM: Back to the hotel. The same TV’s channel.
10:00 PM: Sleep.
Día 3: El Regreso (Day 3: The Return – Pray for No Traffic)
- 7:00 AM: Wake up. Same drill. More coffee. More smiling.
- 7:30 AM: Breakfast. Try to avoid eye contact with anyone.
- 8:00 AM: Pack. Pack. PACK! I have a flight to catch.
- 9:00 AM: Check out.
- 9:30 AM - 1:00 PM: The drive home. More radio static. More trucks to get stuck behind.
- 1:00 PM: "Back Home." Unpack. Unwind. Vow to find a better hotel next time. (But secretly already planning the next adventure, because this is my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.)
Disclaimer: This itinerary is subject to drastic changes, spontaneous urges, and the whims of a tired traveler. ¡Buen viaje! (Have a good trip!) And pray for me, won't you? Because I'm going to need it.